The pressure is on, from every which way, to make sure I'm eating nutritious meals. It's partly family, it's medical, it's generational, it's even governmental. And, as they all say, I should know it's for my own good.
Really? I'm not as sure about that as they are.
In gentler times, the diet experts used to be more diplomatic. They might have suggested a scoop of Jell-o for dessert instead of a piece of pie. And I might have said okay.
But that was then. Now they make it seem almost like life-or-death. It's too late now to be fooling around. It's urgent business.
What we've done is emerge into what I call tofu time. We're expected to shun salt, skimp on sugar, drink fat-free milk, trim the fat off the beef.
Like it or not.
We must learn to love broccoli, Brussels sprouts, arugula, cauliflower, spinach and such. We should recognize that even seaweed, as a food, has medicinal value.
Well!
Obviously this is revolutionary change for a guy who grew up in the rural Midwest when meals meant bacon-and-eggs, meat-and-potatoes, hefty desserts. When the side vegetable was likely to be green peas, some kind of bean, corn, perhaps a carrot, beet or turnip.
Salt and sugar were our friends.
While it is true that my family, once in great while, would put a bowl of cauliflower or spinach on the table, I never ate them. To this day I wouldn't touch spinach with a ten-foot fork.
Nowadays, in promoting its campaign of what's-good-for-you, the tofu/fat-free establishment will occasionally issue a list of "basic foods." These commonly include chunks of stark, naked, tasteless fish, strips of skinless chicken, clumps of green, leafy stuff my uncle used to call rabbit food.
It's all disappointing.
But now, in closing what I admit is a biased rant, I want to make something clear. I would never presume to consider myself any sort of expert on food. My only credential is that I really enjoy things that taste good, tolerate others and ignore the rest.
And finally, just for the hell of it, I will take the liberty of suggesting a few of my own "basic" foods:
They are: butter, bacon, corn bread, prime rib, mashed potatoes and gravy, cherry pie, fried catfish, shrimp fried rice, chocolate ice cream, green chili, peaches, Irish whiskey, cheesecake and zucchini (if properly cooked with onion and jalapeno].
Yes, I know. It's been drilled into me, over and over, that this sort of diet is so unhealthy it's dangerous. It means I can never hope to reach a ripe old age.
I'll take the chance.
Charley Roos, age 87.